More then 3.3 million children witness acts of domestic violence each year

(Carlson, 1984; Straus and Gelles, 1990)

Witnessing domestic violence may effect children in the following way:

thinking that violence is the only way to resolve a conflict or to gain control of a situtation
substance abuse or household products being sniffed/inhaled
lack of respect for self and/or other people, may include aggressive language and behaviour
physical reactions such as (but not limited to) headaches, stomach cramps, sleeping and eating disorders, frequent illness
Poor school performance, difficulty relating to other children their own age, low self-esteem, slowed developmental capacities
running away from home, acting out
feelings of fear, anger, depression, grief, shame, distrust, anxiety, powerless, anxiety, and alone (no one understands or cares)
suicidal thoughts or fantasies about murder
always on the look-out for signs of danger
isolation from others
tought time with separation
unusual responses

The way domestic violence effects a child may vary depending on age, sex, and role in the ramily. A younger child might blame him/herself for the violence that occurs at home. They may think that if they were only "good enough" or "quieter around the house", then the abuse would stop. Adolescent/teenage boys might run away or be abusive towards the mother. Some younger children might behave extremely mature or immature for his/her age. An example would be a nine year old taking on the responsibility of cooking meals for the family and caring for the younger brother(s) and/or sister(s). Adolescent/teenage girls might take on the responsiblity of parenting her own mother or get involved in a relationship that is similar to that which she has seen growing up.

To often nothing is done to help a child or family that is thought to be in an abusive situation due to the following:

Not my problem attitude
Feeling of discomfort or not knowing what to say
Fear of making things worst
Fear of scaring the child more
Not wanting the child to hate the abuser
Believing the child/ren of the family does not know that the abuse is happening or understand what it is
Fear of the child's family becoming angry if something was to be done

We need to take a stand for the little voices that are not being heard over the screams of mothers that are being hurt.

What can I do?

Be patient. It takes time to build trust with a child coming from an abusive family.
Be a person a child can feel safe talking to.
Listen to what the child has to say. Show them that it IS okay to talk about their feelings.
Let the child know that you understand and care .
Help the child/ren know that the abuse is NOT their fault.

Many children try to let trusted adults know about the abuse only to be met with sadness and heartache because adults react in a way that makes them feel worse.

Here are some examples on what to say to a child witness:

It is not your fault
You are not alone. Other families have this problem too and it is not alright.
You can talk to me about this.
You deserve to be safe.
It is okay to call 911 when you are afraid that you or someone else will get hurt.

Do NOT:

talk a child out of crying. They need to know it is okay to show emotions.
tell the child things will be okay. They will quit trusting you when things do not get better.
try to cast the child's awful experiences in a better light (ex: "It can't be that bad, your dad seems like a really nice guy.") They start to think they are going crazy since their abusier is " a really nice guy".
say bad things about one or both parents. The child will blame his/herself for you talking bad about the parents.
DO NOTHING!

National Domestic Violence Hotline

1.800.799.7233

Emergency

911

Cookie's Retreat Center

24 Hour Toll Free Crisis Line

1.866.625.6333

For more information on this subject, check out the following sites:

http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/domesticviolence.cfm

http://www.ywcaworks.org/page/400/